Reflections on the 40-Day Meditation Journey

Our 40-Day Meditation Journey that began on the New Moon of January 29th, has unfolded alongside immense challenges in our country and the world, where uncertainty, suffering, and difficulty are ever-present. Our daily group gathering has been a steady refuge in the midst of these times, offering a space to ground ourselves in presence, resilience, and inner peace.

Ending this morning’s Zoom call brought this program to completion. I moved through my usual post-practice tasks—blowing out the candles, returning the deities and altar items to their shelf, folding my blanket, and putting away the props I used for sitting and breathing. Then came the technical wrap-up: preparing the video replay, making minimal edits, handling uploads and downloads, composing the reflection question, and finally hitting send on the email to the group. Done.

I paused. I took a long breath in and a long breath out. I reflected on the journey I had just been on and felt a deep sense of gratitude. It has been an honor and a privilege to share these teachings and to cultivate such unwavering consistency in our practice each morning. Since I had a  responsibility to the group to showing up every day, there was no inner debate about whether or not to get up. No bargaining over whether to have tea first or practice first. No questioning which practice to do. Believe it or not, even after all these years, my mind still chatters with its incessant tirade. But with the responsibility of holding space for the group, I had no choice but to get up, get dressed, set up, and get on with it. There was relief in surrendering to this rhythm, in moving forward without distraction.

This leads me to an important question: Can I make this same commitment to myself each day? Can I meet my Self in stillness and presence, just as I have met my students? Can that inner wisdom of discipline and devotion rise above the noise of distractions?

Looking back at my journal, I found my intention from Day 1 of the 40-day commitment:

"Today begins the 40-Day Meditation Challenge. My intention is to be peace, to release all fear, and to trust fully and completely in God."

Reading those words, I immediately asked myself: Have I become peace? I do feel that I have dropped deeper into the steadiness within. Perhaps that is peace. And have I released all fear? That has not happened. If anything, the fear feels even more intense. And what about trusting fully and completely in God? For me, God is more an abstract concept. It is an inner experience of completeness. And I can say that what I do trust in fully and completely is the practice each morning. This practice that brings to me this sense of completeness, of presence, of wholeness. And because I've experienced it, I trust the calm, the presence, and the order that unfolds.

Over the years, I have encountered different interpretations of the word 'GOD' as an acronym: 'Good Orderly Direction' and 'Generator, Organizer, Destroyer.' The latter can be softened by replacing "destroyer" with "transformation," but the essence remains the same. It is about removing what is no longer needed and clearing away the blocks to inner freedom. Perhaps the intensity of fear and the presence of deep grief that I'm feeling in these final days of practice is because I have allowed space for them to come to the surface to be healed and released. Meditation is not just about cultivating stillness; it is about uprooting deeply embedded samskaras—the past mental imprints and patterns—so that we may see clearly and recognize our true Self.

As Sutra 1.14 says, the practice needs to be for a long time, without interruption, and with dedication. Through steady, consistent, devoted practice, this process unfolds. Old patterns surface to be seen, understood, and ultimately released. It is not always easy. But through years of study, I have learned to return to the cushion and to be consistent even while at times, riding the waves. Just don't let them pull you under.  The benefits of PranaVidya (pranayama, dharana, dhyana) are vast—physical, mental, and emotional. Yet, if one is willing, meditation can also be a path to realization, a remembering of our true nature. Within that remembrance, there is joy, peace, and the promise of more to come.
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So be gentle with yourself. Stay steady. The journey continues.

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