The Grandmother Essays ~ Part 1, The Grandmother Hypothesis

Many of you are grandparents, as am I, so you might appreciate my latest musings on this grandparenting journey. While I write this essay from a grandmother's perspective, much of it could equally apply to grandfathers. Even if you’re not a grandparent, but you care for children or have them in your life in some way, you might still find something helpful in this writing.

So far, this holiday break from teaching has been a mix of restful, fun times with family and some not-so-restful moments with my very active grandkids! The restful moments have included family connection and relaxation, while the active ones have kept me staying alert, making every day unique. We’ve gone to the Dicken's Faire, enjoyed ocean walks and forest walks, wrapped and unwrapped gifts, played fun games like Twister and Uno, enjoyed lots of good food and probably had too many treats! My grandkids are giving me many opportunities to practice things like patience, such as staying calm when they test limits, and acceptance—particularly of the inevitable messes that come with their creativity and play. I’ve learned (well it’s a work in progress!) not to take things personally, like when a meltdown arises out of nowhere, and to set boundaries, such as encouraging them to do their jobs and reminding them to speak kindly to one another. They are fully living in the present, with all the intensity of moods, emotions, spontaneity, excitement, and the occasional battles between them, which can be both delightful and challenging. Their unfiltered way of engaging with life often reminds me to let go of expectations and embrace the beauty of the moment, but it also requires me to draw deeply on my reserves of patience and creativity as a grandmother.

My daughter is a single mom and I am a single grandma and while I’m so very grateful we have each other, it can still get exhausting. Sigh. . . I take comfort in these words from the book that I'm currently reading, ‘Aging As A Spiritual Practice’ by Lewis Richmond that says, “There is a theory among evolutionary biologists called the “grandmother hypothesis,” which holds that "evolution favored older women who used their knowledge and experience to benefit their relatives’ children.”

Here are some key insights I’ve drawn from the grandmother hypothesis:

1. The Understanding That My Role Is Evolutionarily Significant
According to the hypothesis, grandmothers play a vital role in their families by supporting the survival and well-being of their grandchildren. This support may include caregiving, sharing wisdom, or helping parents manage their responsibilities. It’s good to know that my involvement contributes to the long-term success of my family.

2. My Knowledge Matters
Evolutionary biologists suggest that older women have accumulated wisdom that benefits younger generations. Turns out whether it's guidance on parenting, life skills, or problem-solving, my experience provides valuable resources for my family.

3. Connection Strengthens Survival
The theory highlights the importance of intergenerational bonds. Apparently my active presence as a grandmother fosters emotional security and well-being for my grandchildren, which can have lasting effects on their development.

4. A Cultural Legacy
This is one of my favorites! Beyond immediate survival, my role includes passing on cultural traditions, values, and stories. This helps grandchildren develop a sense of identity and belonging, which are key to resilience and adaptability. Some of our favorite times together are sharing stories with my kids about my father, my grandparents and my growing up. They beg me for these stories and have their favorites and even have some memorized!

5. A Biological Perspective on Purpose
The hypothesis suggests that human longevity—especially for women beyond their reproductive years—has an evolutionary advantage. Our life stage is not an end but a critical period for contributing to the family and to society in meaningful ways.

It is good to know that my presence and care are not just appreciated but are part of a broader, deeply rooted evolutionary success story.
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In conclusion, caring for grandchildren can be a source of joy, purpose, and health benefits, as long as it doesn’t become overwhelming. By maintaining balance, grandmothers can enjoy a mutually enriching relationship with their grandchildren while preserving their own well-being.

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